


There's a Skirmish of Wit Between Them

by Sherwhotreksings



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: AU, Angst, F/M, Fluff, Much Ado About Nothing, We'll see I guess, this is really just indulgent trash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-11
Updated: 2019-04-18
Packaged: 2020-01-11 07:01:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18425319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sherwhotreksings/pseuds/Sherwhotreksings
Summary: Alternatively titled "Much a-Who About Nothing" by my girlfriend. A Much Ado About Nothing AU, featuring Rose and the Doctor as Beatrice and Benedick, and Jackie and Pete as a sort of Hero and Claudio. This isn't going to follow the exact plot, but the themes and spirit will be there.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I got pulled into a trash pile of Doctor Who and Much Ado... and this was born. I hope you like it as much as I do! 
> 
> @Madquerade on tumblr if you want to follow

The Doctor is infuriating.

Rose has known this from day one. Years of friendship and still once he got his doctorate insisted everyone call him “the Doctor.” Rose rolls her eyes at _John_ correcting her best mate, his sister Donna, on how his name is now “the Doctor.” She shuts the door behind him and lets her old friend into her family’s manor.

“Oi! Not much of a doctor now are you?” Rose then turns to Donna and says, “He doesn’t even treat patients. I told him I’d call him the Doctor once he successfully cures someone.”

“Ah, my dear lady disdain! Are you yet living?” the Doctor says while strutting past Rose.

Rose practically gags.

“My degree in astrophysics is something to fear. Bow before my knowledge, Rose Tyler.”

The way he rolls her last name off his tongue is something so uniquely him. It always makes her smile... not that she’d tell him that.

“You wish!” Rose crosses the foyer into the living room to a small end table to grab another cup of tea and a biscuit. “Anyone else want a biscuit?”

The Doctor holds up two fingers. “I’ll take some and some jam if you have it?”

“Anyone?” Rose asks again, forcing down a smile.

The Doctor sits down on the sofa next to Donna, pouting. He nudges her with his elbow. They have a silent argument, eye flashing, and lips moving, but no actual sound coming out.

Donna sighs, “I’d like two biscuits, Rose.”

The Doctor grins like a kid in a candy store as Rose returns with the two biscuits and hands them to Donna. Donna slides them across the table to the Doctor who snatches them up.

“Honestly, you two couldn’t be any pettier.” Donna folds her arms.

The Doctor shrugs, a twinkle in his eye.

“So who’s your new companion this time?” Rose asks. Every time _John_ travels he brings someone along. Sometimes they’re friends, sometimes they’re co-workers, and one time he brought along a stranger he met five minutes before. Rose isn’t quite sure why he feels compelled to travel with a buddy. Maybe it’s the experience, or maybe he just doesn’t like being alone.

He smirks. “Why? Are you jealous?”

They’re also always men.

“Of your time spent with another man? Should I be?” Rose raises an eyebrow, smirk blazing.

“Wha- no- no! I’m not!...” the Doctor sputters, face turning a rare shade of red.

To Rose, Donna says, “His name is Jack and he’s staying with me and Jo- _the Doctor_ in my flat. Rather cramped too.” Then to the Doctor, “If only you’d find someone here to marry, then I wouldn’t have to keep housing you and your travel mates!”

A moment of quiet washes over the trio. Rose studies the contents of her mug while avoiding eye contact. The Doctor turns a biscuit over and over in his hand, contemplating his answer.

“Nah. You know marriage isn’t for me. I travel around too much. I don’t want to settle down,” he wiggles his eyebrows, “Besides, this big ol’ brain of mine scares everyone off.”

Rose and Donna simultaneously roll their eyes and scoff, but the conversation lulls once again.

It’s an uncomfortable silence. Rose wants to make a quip or something, anything, to break it, but all she can think of is how she doesn’t want John to get married. She wouldn’t see him as often and she barely sees him now as it is. He’s her friend is all, they’re mates. There was one time, long before he went to university, that she would have considered him her best mate. They told each other everything, and he was the first person she wanted to talk to when she was upset. They were so close that once… but then he left her here and went off on his adventures. That was long ago, and now they spend their time bantering and poking fun.

Donna speaks up, shaking Rose from her thoughts, “So where are Jackie and Pete?”

Rose smiles, tucking a chunk of hair behind her ear. “He got back from his business trip last night and this morning took mum out for a romantic brunch. He’s planning on proposing. They should be back soon, so we’ll find out the answer then.”

“Oh, Rose! That’s so exciting!” Donna clasps her hands together. “I love a good wedding!”

“He’s pretty sure mum’ll say yes. He has this whole engagement party planned for tomorrow, a masquerade ball.”

“So _that’s_ why he asked me to bring a black tie outfit.” The Doctor smacks his leg.

“He even took me out shopping to get a nice dress for it. I didn’t have one and he said you never know who I’ll meet.” Rose shrugs. “I never turn down the chance for clothing I don’t have to pay for, even though it’s something I’ll probably never wear again.”

Rose’s heart flutters slightly. She didn’t know Pete was going to invite the Doc- John. She had helped him create the guestlist and had purposely left him out of it. It’s not that she didn’t want to spend that evening with him, in fact, there isn’t anyone else she’d rather spend it with. But if he was there she’d spend the whole night worrying about if he wanted to spend time with her or if he thought she was pretty… Which is completely ridiculous because she doesn’t care if John thinks she’s pretty. Now at least she’ll have another friend there and someone to make fun of once everyone starts dancing.

“Nobody told me about the ball!” Donna complains, “I don’t have anything to wear.”

“Didn’t Pete send you an invitation?” Rose shakes her head. “I don’t understand it, he can’t follow a simple guestlist.”

The Doctor tips his head to the side, studying Rose in a manner not unlike the way a hummingbird studies a flower before drinking. Rose notices and blushes, turning her head away, towards Donna, to disguise it.

“I guess that just means we’ll have to go shopping!” Donna grabs Rose by the arm and pulls her to standing.

~o~

They spent all afternoon getting ready, Rose and Donna, and before that, she spent all morning helping her mum get ready. Jackie said yes, naturally, so the party was set into motion. A motion that started at 7am and will continue until who knows when.

Rose descends the grand staircase, heels clacking against the marble floor. She holds the railing, trying not to death grip it to keep from tumbling in her dress. It’s more than what she’d normally wear to a party. Not like she ever goes to any fancy galas, though. The skirt is daunting, several layers of tulle swirl around her legs and feet, contrasting with the dark velvet bodice. The whole thing plays like dusk. Dark purple, almost black at the top, fading into the palest lavender at the bottom of the skirt. Embroidered into the skirt are tiny silver stars that join together on her left hip and circle around the bodice to the off the shoulder sleeves that are completely made of little silver stars. She thought it was a bit much at the time, but Pete insisted she looked beautiful. She might have turned it down completely if the skirt had been any fuller. Luckily she can still relax her arms into the dress and doesn’t have to hold them awkwardly out.

She hangs back on the last step observing the crowd before joining in. The music pulses loudly from the east wing and she can just barely catch flashes of red, green, and blue lights from the hallway. From the west wing, she can hear the tinkling of glasses and the soft reverberation of a harp. That must be where they’re having the food… and providing a calmer ambiance for their less party inclined friends. She scans the group of people loitering between the two sections, looking to see if she can spot anyone she knows.

She can see her mum, waving her diamond ring around. Jackie catches Rose’s eye and points to her eyes. Rose reaches up, touching the corner of her eye and cheekbone lightly.

Jackie points even harder to her own eyes before finally calling out, “Put your mask on sweetie!”

Rose reaches up quickly and slides her mask down from the top of her head, where it had been pushed up to earlier. The intricately bent silver metal feels cold against her face. One of her loose curls got caught up in one of the metal twists, so Rose reaches up to work it free. Fingers moving quickly, she watches the curl bounce gently in her field of vision when she catches a glimpse of a tall man with brown hair sticking up in seemingly impossible directions and a simple matte black mask. Her heart jumps as she approaches the man. Just as she reaches out to grab his arm he turns and she can see his face. It’s not John. She doesn’t want to admit it, but she’s disappointed.

“Looking for John?” Donna says quietly in Rose’s ear.

Rose jumps, she forgot Donna was beside her. She resents that she can hear a smirk in her voice.

“No.” Rose crosses her arms.

“Oh, well I’m going to go get some food, where I’m sure John’s not.” Donna glides across the marble floor as if she’s done it a million times, before rolling her ankle and hopping to recover her balance.

Rose snorts, that’s her Donna. She resumes her crowd watching, trying to make up her mind whether she should join her mate and get food or wade into the dancing, pulsing, mob in the east wing. Now that she knows John is in the east wing her stomach has tied itself in knots. She’s not sure she wants him to see her now.

She furrows her brow, a thought suddenly hitting her. She put in all this work and it wasn’t for him, dammit. Her life doesn’t suddenly revolve around John just because he decided to waltz back into it for the time being. She put on this dress and makeup, and styled her hair because she felt like it. She wouldn’t have done it differently if he wasn’t here.

She takes a deep breath, grabs her skirt, and takes a determined step towards the east wing.


	2. Chapter 2

The ballroom dance floor is exactly what she expected, a mess of flailing limbs and loud music. Well… flailing limbs _to_ loud music. It’s not as cramped, though. She was picturing something like her school disco. She pauses before entering the group in the center of the room to take a breath and recenter herself on why she’s not worrying about John.

But there he is.

She’d know those eyes anywhere, even if they are hidden behind a mask. His mask is a dark, deep blue, with sharp black lines and faint gold swirls. His tie somehow matches it. Pete must’ve had it made for him. His hair looks as if at one point it was styled into a perfect coif, but now a couple of strands have popped out of place and are sticking up as usual. 

Rose braces herself, picking up a glass of champagne from a tray, as she watches John make his way across the room to her. If this is going to happen, she might as well get everything she can out of it.

“‘Scuse me sir, you haven’t seen Mr. John Noble anywhere have you?” She addresses the man who is clearly the Doctor.

“It’s Doctor John Noble,” he hisses under his breath.

“What was that?” She takes a sip of her champagne, feigning ignorance, enjoying this little game.

He runs a hand quickly through his hair, dislodging a few more pieces. “Nothing. Why are you looking for him?”

“I’m not. I’m trying to avoid him.” Rose bites back a smirk, drowning it instead in her champagne.

“Why is that? I’m sure he’s a lovely man.”

“He’s a fool. The only thing he’s good at is telling impossible tales. I can’t stand the man. Besides, he’s a rotten dancer as well. Best to walk the opposite direction when you see him.”

The Doctor takes a moment to consider her reply, hand playing with the button on his cuff. “I’ll be sure to tell him that if I ever meet the gentleman.” He relaxes his posture, foot shifting backward.

“And when you do, he’ll put one or two on me. Just don’t laugh at whatever he says, it’ll put him in a foul mood and that will make my night.”

The Doctor scowls, but it soon relaxes away as the music changes from pop to a softer slow song. “It seems it’s time to follow the rest of the guests. You won’t have to worry about seeing this Noble man dance if you’re dancing with me.” He holds out a hand to Rose.

“I suppose so, but if I happen to see him. I’m not sticking around.”

She grimaces internally. The last one felt a bit cruel. She hopes he knows this is all in good fun.

He puts one hand on her waist, but hesitates with the second, wavering between her waist and her hand. She glances around before taking his floating hand and placing it on her hip. No one else seems to have noticed, or if they have, they don’t care. Thankfully the masks disguise them to a degree. Her friends and family could probably pick her out of the crowd, but no one else.

They danced like this once before. They had swayed back and forth in the living room of her mum’s old flat, carpet tickling their bare feet. Rose’s hair was longer, and John’s shorter. His shirt had shimmied up exposing a sliver of bare stomach and a light smattering of hair at the very edge of his trouser line. Her shirt had slipped off one shoulder and when she tried to fix it, he gently stopped her. They seemed like different people back then.

Rose sighs to herself and steps closer to reach her hands up to his shoulders. John is significantly taller than her even in heels, so it’s a bit of a stretch, one that will quickly make her arms sore. 

That night was what she considers their last close night. They were celebrating something, she doesn’t remember what anymore, and had stayed up all night together talking and watching movies. It had dissolved into them lying on the carpet, fingers intertwined, listening to a new album. A slow song came on and John had insisted on dancing with her.

Rose leans in closer, arms reaching around the Doctor’s neck, head coming to rest on his chest. His heart beat sounds the same at least.

He had stopped their dancing before the song was over with a firm kiss planted on her lips. The kiss turned into a snog, which turned into… When she woke up the next morning he was gone, a note left in his place about how he was moving to complete his doctorate and would be gone by the time Rose woke up. She despises him for making her feel this way.

Rose steps back from the Doctor, arms falling to her side, hands balling her skirt into her fists. “You know, I think I see Mr. Noble over there.” Rose swivels and swiftly exits the ballroom.

She’s not sure who to talk to, if anyone. She doesn’t want to ruin her mum’s evening, and besides, she didn’t even tell her about her and John before. She doesn’t want to explain it all again. Donna doesn’t know what happened either; she couldn’t face telling her that she shagged her brother. She supposes she could tell Pete. He’s the one most likely to have a calm reaction, but she doesn’t want to make it weird since he’s such good mates with John, apparently. So instead she wanders around, carefully dodging people who will be able to tell she’s upset.

Grabbing a plate of food, Rose finds a quiet corner to eat.

“Need a break from the party, huh?” A tall, dark haired man with an American accent asks. His mask is pushed up into his hair and he’s dressed in a smart, but rather old fashioned, suit.

“It’s all a bit much.” Rose pushes the food around her plate with her fork.

“I know that look. Guy troubles? Or maybe lady troubles? I don’t judge.”

Rose pauses for a beat. “I slept with this guy some time ago and then he left me. Well- not just some guy, he was my best friend.” Everything comes pouring out at once; how close they were, how he left, how they still see each other, how she can’t stand him. She’s not sure why she’s telling this man about what happened between her and John and she can’t seem to stop herself. Maybe she just needs to get it out.

“It sounds like you still love him.”

Rose pulls a face. “Me? Love him? No.”

The man shrugs.

A realization hits her and she stands up, plate of food forgotten next to her. “I’m sorry, I’ve been talking this whole time and I haven’t even told you my name. It’s Rose.” She holds out her hand.

Instead of shaking it, the man takes it in his and kisses it. “Nice to meet you Rose. My name is Jack, Jack Harkness.”

Her eyes go wide. This can’t be the same Jack that John brought with can it? She doesn’t recall there being any Jacks on the guestlist.

“You don’t happen to know John Noble do you?” She holds her breath.

“In fact I do! He invited me along because he came home to visit-” Jack pauses, looking at Rose’s blushing face, “-ah. He’s the friend.’”

“Yes. Shh! I don’t want everyone to know. You can’t tell him, you know that right?”

“I’m not completely tactless. Although, that means I can’t hit on you now, sorry.”

Rose snorts, “No ta,” to a very shocked Jack.

“Rose, I’ve been looking for you. Oh! I see you’ve met the Handsome Jack.” Donna surprises the both of them. “I found the Doctor and he wasn’t sure where you’d gone off to.”

“I had to get some food and then I bumped into Jack. We’ve just been talking.” Rose bites the inside of her lip, brushing some fallen fallen hair out of her face.

“Well stop talking, I want to go dance.” Donna grabs both her and Jack’s hands and pulls them towards the other side of the manor.

The sound of someone loudly rapping on a glass with a knife stops them in their tracks. Pete and Jackie are on the grand staircase in front of them, masks removed. People are filing in from both wings and waiters circle with trays of champagne flutes. Rose spots John the same time Donna does and Donna waves for him to join them. It’s too late however, and he shakes his head in reply. The massive amounts of people would be almost impossible to push through. Rose picks up a glass of champagne and downs it quickly, switching it out with a full glass from the next tray she sees.

“I’d like to thank you all again for coming to my precious Jackie’s engagement party. It means a lot to us,” Pete starts his toast. “I knew my Jackie would say yes, which is why I’ve had this party planned for quite a while. In fact, I’ve had our wedding planned for quite a while, too. So, I’d like to formally invite you all to our wedding, which will be held here next week, or once Jackie finds a dress, whichever is longer.” Pete raises his glass with a laugh.

Everyone else follows suit, but Rose can’t help but notice that Jackie isn’t smiling, champagne glass sat on the banister. She quickly switches to a large smile and picks up her glass, several beats behind everyone else.

The guests start chatting again and disperse to the various areas of the manor, yet Jackie and Pete stay frozen at the top of the staircase, engrossed in their conversation. The Doctor makes his way over to Rose, Donna, and Jack.

Rose strains to hear what they’re talking about, shifting her position in hopes of getting a better listen. It’s no use. John is talking now and ruining any chance she had at hearing what Pete and Jackie are saying. Rose huffs and focuses her attention back on the group.

“What do you say Rose? Shall we go dance?” Donna asks again, impatiently crossing her arms.

“I’ll go, but I’ll not go with him.” Rose jabs a thumb in the Doctor’s direction. “He’s a bloody awful dancer.”

“You know that’s the second time I’ve heard that today. I ran into a man just a couple moments ago who said you told him the same.” The Doctor cracks a half smile. “I’ll have you know my dancing has improved tremendously over the last while.”

“It might have improved, but you’ll still look like a wanker on the dance floor!”

Donna chuckles and pushes Rose away, two hands planted firmly on her back. “Come on you two, enough of your nonsense. Let’s dance!”

It’s several songs later when Jack pulls Donna aside, leading her down a quiet hallway and into a loo.

“So… I have a plan,” Jack begins, “but it won’t work without you. I’m going to try and get Rose and John together.”

Donna has to cover her mouth to keep from laughing. The idea of it is so absurd. “Those two? Good luck with that. They’re two of the most stubborn people I know.” Donna tilts her head in consideration. “Although, that would be a spectacular jest. What do you say our first move is?”


End file.
